In my first post ‘a New Blog Brewing‘ and ‘About the Blog’ page, I talked about how the main subjects of this blog are going to be poetry and music. How did I become so obsessed with music and writing poetry? Why did they become what I wanted to write about in my blog aka my new home?
I will link to the mentioned band’s official sites.
How I Became Obsessed With Music
In my early days, a lot of influence came from my sister. It was not a time of internet in our house since we lived in a rural area. Naturally, I had little choice in what I could listen to and the choices were limited. So having access to millions of songs and no time to hear them all has truly – for me, become a luxury taken for granted. With all our streaming services like Tidal and Spotify. It has become forgotten what it feels like to wait for a radio program and tape them for later use.
Yet I am spoiled by all the possibilities
I feel that the age of internet bands and access to it all has spoiled me a lot. From the moment we had dial-up at home I have abused every known source to find new bands and new material. Now I can safely say that I don’t just enjoy music – I become obsessed.
When I find a new release or band on the internet, I listen to them for weeks on repeat, and then I move on.
But how did I, become obsessed with music?
I vividly remember my older sister hiding original cassettes under her mattress.
Well, I was not having it. I would always listen to them when she was gone in my first years of school – am sorry. I remember my first reaction to hearing Eminem – The Marshall Mathers. Thought to myself that wow… The pure emotion that he conveys in his music… It is a form of art. I too, want to be an artist one day. The factor of doing something, I was not supposed to be doing also contributed a lot. I would listen to the tape over and over again as if it was a drug.
I think we all remember our first time hearing a song and feeling completely engulfed by it.
I remember hearing Evanescence for the first time as a young teen while visiting my sister. To me, it was the most beautiful thing I had ever heard. Their older material is sad, yes, but it is also soothing. Made me feel less alone since I did not have many friends and was heavily bullied back in school. And before I knew it, music became my best friend, my solace, and something I enjoyed. The happiest part of my days was listening to music. I asked my sister to burn me mp3 discs with all of their discography as well as Nightwish. For quite a long time I would just rotate between these two bands.
But I wanted more
A little later, a friend of my mother, a big fan of Linkin Park, ripped me their Hybrid Theory and Meteora albums. I still remember skipping school, laying on the floor, and just listening to those two. That was the time I decided that I want to make music too. The reason I wanted to become a singer was because of how the music made me feel – not alone and as happy as I could be. I remember when I heard of Chesters, the lead singer, suicide. I was very sad and felt as if a person I had looked up to, had decided to quit.
But it all was still not enough,
So I asked someone to make me something I had never heard before. It had Metallica, and Rotting Christ on it. This person helped me become a fan for the first time. Not only because of how much I loved the music, but I wanted to know about the people who had written it. When we finally got dial-up I would spend hours digging up information about them. Talk about patience when a single site takes, what seems to be, days to load. Later on, I would also search for similar bands to what I had heard so far. Because of the slow connection, I would also listen to the late-night shows of underground doom and black metal bands.
But it was when we got the mighty internet, that I went completely bonkers. I would spend hours searching for different kinds of music on sites that no longer exist.
How Did I Begin Writing Poetry
I think many factors led me to poetry. When I first started writing I never thought about it as poetry. Even now I feel a little egoistic naming my creations so. There just have been too many amazing writers, as Poe for example.
What is Poetry
To me, it is just something that wants out. It is as if there is a gnawing and tugging at my heart. So I grab for a keyboard – as a person living in the times of technology. No candles or a fancy pen. Just me with my headphones and a constant clicking of the keys in the room. If I don’t write, I become mad, with all the desires and a darkness that exists in me. It is a way for me to materialize my inner world. Bring order into the chaos in the form of words. Sometimes I also blame the wine for the sudden urge to write.
I think that poetry,
In its’ essence
Is one of the freest forms of writing
To defy the laws of grammar. Or to have an excuse for being dramatic, romantic, and mad in a world that promotes realism. Maybe fantasy would also be a way for me since I could make up a whole elven language. I like the freedom. I don’t want to feel restrained by the laws of grammar, because I think that language is not static.
But whenever I try to write a book, it seems that I don’t finish it. Maybe books are too long. They need a continuous story, but I have many thoughts. I have always had trouble writing anything longer than one page without changing the subject.
I have always been a big reader too.
Throughout elementary and middle school I would hide in the library from my peers and just read. It was another safe place for me where I could be at peace. I have always loved my solitude and my books – becoming completely a part of the story. Sometimes I found myself reading my favorite works over and over again, but I was not a fan of reading poetry just yet. Still, just like the fairytales that I had been reading and the music. I wish to tell stories and engage people.
But how did I start writing poetry,
How on earth, and in English ??? Not my mother tongue?
I blame music and my parents, really, I do.
Music, because the first things I would write were my versions of the lyrics to my favorite songs. This is also why I mostly speak about music and poetry, not one or the other. I had begun learning English a year before this, so I also did not grasp all the words that were sung.
Mostly I felt the emotion of the singer. Therefore I wanted to make them more personal and understandable for me. In fourth grade I would also sing them in my head to my favorite songs while imagining being on a stage – it is silly. Also since the first targets of my scribbles were my school books I felt I had no privacy and started writing in the little English I knew. In hopes that my parents would not understand.
How did I start writing original work?
But why did I stick to writing and how did it become poetry? Probably because in poetry I was free, I could say what was on my mind and let it out. Make it a form of art. My writings became more and more of myself over the years of rewriting lyrics.
The teenage angst and the sadness of not being accepted, or the moth in my room – all of it became inspiring. I think that through writing I have become who I am and I have forgiven life and its’ funny ways. Rather than moping in my room, I started thinking that at least I have something to write about.
Poetry has saved me in many ways, to me, it is a form of painting and a form of survival. Any form of art is good for the soul and mental health but writing became my solace and my smoking gun at the same time.
About my favorite books.
If you are interested in my favorite books or think I should share them you may hit me up on the ‘Ask or Tell’ page and I would gladly write some posts about those life-changing stories.
You can ask me about anything. Or if you have any other requests regarding the blog. Just send me a letter.
Poetry and Music – the Connection
I have always felt that poetry and music go hand in hand.
Not only because the lyrics are written to a song and they both are considered a form of art. But because to me, a poem has just as much rhythm and tone as a song. The rhythm and the music of the poem being the punctuation and the line breaks, the silence between them.
I have always tried to imitate the breathing and the way a poem is read by me in the way I use punctuation and line breaks. Still, with poetry, there is freedom. No matter how many forced rhythms I add. Just as same as a song on a guitar never sounds exactly the same when played by different people, poetry does not sound the same in all of our heads when read.
And I think this is the beauty of it.
Sometimes I wonder what it sounds like to other people, does the rhythm and the tempo change, do they read it out loud? Creating different sounds with their breathing, what is the tone of their voice?
A BONUS POEM
About the poem.
This is an old one. I wrote this one in my early 20ties. It is 10 years ago. Funny, how time passes.
The subject of this poem is the first kiss between two people who knew very well that they will never end up together. The whole idea of the poem was to capture the moment. A moment that caused me a lot of heartaches. But it is a beautiful memory. Driving in the middle of a nightthe. Drunk on another human-beinghuman being. Hungover on him I wrote many poems. This is easily one of my favorite ones. Even if the memory itself is hazy by now. The poem captured the feelingsfeeling well. Funny how in times of pain, you think you will never be okay. But all is well now. Ironic.
This time I opened up about the reasons for theming this blog ‘poetry and music’music and shared some memories. In the next following posts, I am going to talk about
how and why I bought my first album and how I started collecting Vinyl Records.
I have chosen a band I want to talk about a little in my next post ‘DIR EN GREY – Changed My View On Music’
It will be in the form of how I found them and why I love them.
What was I listening to while writing this post?
Persefone – Metanoia
Stay tuned and feel free to send me any comments about the importance of poetry and music in your lives.