While reading the post of my fellow blogger Pine Canvas “Struggles of the Modern Woman”. I got a sudden inspiration to write about another struggle. Juggling work and hobbies… that sometimes requires me to be the “superwoman”. Yes, it surely it feels as if I want to rip myself into two separate halves and go about my day. As if the days are not long enough to deal with everything. But, unless it is a Catwoman… I am not really that interested. Recently, am thinking of quitting my job and fully shift my energy to my hobbies.
Am Listening to Adam Hurst – Chiaro di Luna as am editing the post
Work and Hobbies and Juggling Them
I work as a “Senior Client Servant” an ugly translation but I am in charge of everything that goes on in a shop after the management has left. I like the job, sometimes though… It takes so much energy to come home and sing or write on my day offs. I am just too tired. And if I don’t do that, I feel guilty. It is almost as if I forget that I am a human and need rest. Isn’t it easy to feel guilt over the piling laundry, dishes, not going to see that movie, not painting, singing… the list goes on.
At work it is my responsibility to see that everything is running properly… done by the end of the operating hours. That means that even there I have to juggle many responsibilities. Keeping an eye on the cashiers, bakers, etc., and sometimes I need to replace them. All the while doing the required paperwork. Also when something is wrong (like money or inventory missing) I am responsible for that. It is stressful, yes… And tiring when you don’t have people all the time.
My shifts are long (often 12 hours) and leave me tired. Somedays I love the job, other days I feel it robs me of my time from doing things I truly desire. and fast forward into the future, I have quit my job. The first thing I did after that was getting my six-sentence stories out as an audio book.
the Reason for the Inspiration
As I read the post about the struggles of a modern woman. I clicked with it. You have to work, clean, do the cooking and juggle kids all the while doing all that. It is the freedom we wanted or needed. Well, ahem. Let’s be honest here, sometimes my home looks like a rats’ nest and my boyfriend does the cooking. Does that make him a lesser man or me a lesser woman, maybe… But am happy he helps me.
I am truly too tired after work to even cook, even if there I am considered a perfectionist. And if I had other people coming over when my home was in the state it is in currently, I would be shamed. What kind of a woman lets that happen? And it is not because I don’t know how to cook (I worked as one) or clean. It is because I am too tired at the end of the day to even move. And we all know that not all men know how to clean more than take out the trash, do the dishes and the floors.
Also, he is in university, he is in the same boat as I. Coming home to write music and do schoolwork. Like me writing my poetry and stories or this blogpost. Sometimes we stay up until early hours… Both writing. And then the next day we curse the Gods to make days so short and rob us of sleep.
the Guilt is Killing Me
With a schedule like mine. I often feel like I give most of my time to a job that completely depletes me of any power do enjoy doing something I truly like. Even writing this blog is a sport, the only day-offs that I have had I have completely spent on this.
But what about my hobbies?
What about singing, what about voice acting, painting, sex?!! At this rate I will never be anything else but mediocre at everything I do, except sex. Bah! 8 years of relationship? It would be a tad bit dim if I didn’t learn anything from it… Or before in the last one… I just fall asleep the moment I touch the bed. Shame on me, perhaps… But there are women and men who work like horses…
I feel as if I have not given enough time to hone those artistic skills in me. Wasted 10 years of my life doing what society thought was normal. What was expected of me. Leaving my passion to be just a hobby. How sad is that. But well past is past, this can not be changed. I can only live for now, and perhaps, my future will be lighter.
Do you have any ideas as to how to cope with this? feel kind to leave a comment. Because I still am not quite sure myself. Take care!