Music And How I Found My Way

New metal music alert: Chaos in Spring "Weary Eyed" album cover. A foggy forest cut in half by a road (asphalt) and the title between two corner pieces.I searched long and hard in the corners of my psyche for what else to share on my blog besides my stories, poetry, and posts about mental health.  Took my sweet time and couldn’t find anything else to write about than the music that I enjoy or the bands that have paved the road to who I am today. After this post, I  want to write on topics like “Middle Eastern Vibe in Metal Music” or “Galaxies and Relaxation ” or “One Man Wonders” and such.

For the longest of time I just dreamed about making music myself but never took the bull by its’ horns. Now in the dawn of releasing my own music I thought why not write about my beloved artisans. Or how I found my way to the world of sounds. Am writing this post three days before the song of my band goes live.

Before we proceed, I must confess that I can get a little fangirly about the songs I love. Am like a little girl when it comes to music self-expression trough sounds. In this post I will talk a little bit about the backstory and about the little girl that got a little too excited over bizarre and macabre in music or movies. 

Continue reading “Music And How I Found My Way”

Holiday Season & Mental Illness

Holiday season & Mental Illness

The holiday season can be stressful for anyone. Sometimes so much so that it feels as if your last patience is hanging on a thread for its’ dear life…  I can only imagine what it might be like with kids, but I wouldn’t know. For me it is just “Oh God make it stop, I can’t tolerate my family for longer than x amount of time…” I love them, but it is true and I think that I am not unique in feeling like that. Still, all I can do in this post is talk about the holiday season & mental illness from my own experience.

Mainly about the Christmas and new year celebrations as these are the ones that are heavily celebrated in Estonia. And also because Christmas makes me want to pull out my hair at times. Throw a tantrum like a little kid…  I just seem to have begun hating the end of the year. Why would you put up lights in November?! How can people be happy if all it does is drains their mind and their wallets? Somehow I seem to forget that not everyone thinks like me… Not everyone becomes an unstable mess with stress. So much so that they avoid events that cause it like fire.

By the way, my sister has named me the Grinch. On one glorious Christmas Eve, I will dead ass wear the costume and stomp around the room in it, seems fitting.

Continue reading “Holiday Season & Mental Illness”

Effects of Bullying & Reasons for Bullying

the effects of bullying and the reasons for bullying

I am a firm believer that most people are, by heart, good. Yes, sometimes they do things they might not be proud of. Things that hurt others around them, things they want to shove under a rug and forget, and things that can burn holes in their persona too. In brief, this post is about the reasons for bullying and the effects of bullying on the victim. These effects are still felt. Almost 15 years later in my life.

As much as I have analyzed the topic in my head… I can’t speak for everyone and I am not with a psychology degree. Therefore I rely on my own experiences. Please read, if you are mentally in a good place and feel strong enough. Because this post can be triggering. But it is… a part of my life.

Playing as I edit: Gojira – Magma (whole album)

Continue reading “Effects of Bullying & Reasons for Bullying”

Poetry Book no I – ACT II

Cover for the ACT II. Includes blue butterflies, spiders and spiderwebs.

Omg, omg, omg !!! Finally, after so many years of dreaming… You know, the kind where you lay in the bed just imagining… making up worlds and places. Do people still do that? I can surely say that I have spent the majority of my life daydreaming, being told that it was in vain… But well, I can now say that I do have a poetry book.

The poems were too short to be uploaded separately… But they do tell a story in 20 of them separated into ACT I and ACT II. So to get the whole story you may want to read the other post first. Also there I talk more about the book itself.

Here, in this post…

In this act, I have focused on heartbreak and acceptance. 

Playing as I edit the post for final edits: SKYND.

Continue reading “Poetry Book no I – ACT II”

Lady in Between – Short Story – Lyric Video

Short Story, lady in between.

Lady in Between – Short Story Lyric Video

This short story of mine was particularly hard for me to create. All the steps of it: writing, recording, editing the audio and making an video to. I love the story but I almost as if wanted it to be done fast, I couldn’t stomach it.

Continue reading “Lady in Between – Short Story – Lyric Video”

Master of Escapism – a Short Story

 

Master of Escapism album ar. A lady with her hair full of butterflies that represent dreams.

Master of Escapism – a Short Story – Lyric Video

Master of Escapism is one of my personal favorites that I have ever written. It is a short story that is not as much of a fiction as others, it is about me and about the feelings that I have had ever since I was a kid. Maybe that is also why the theme is a stardust based one, the first video that I also used a background sound on. 

Continue reading “Master of Escapism – a Short Story”

My audio recordings.

I have been away from my blog for a while, I am so sorry, truly I am. I had a lot on my plate from dealing with bipolar depression to deciding to leave my job. I am feeling a lot better now, after a rest and making myself get out of bed and do my art, not hibernate. I promised to share my audio recordings but I have, in fact, fallen short of my own words.

Continue reading “My audio recordings.”

Creative Writings

Sharing My Creative Writings

Throughout my life, there have been many things that I have wanted to do. But mostly I have been kept back by my insecurities and anxiety. I truly am, what one would call “my own worst enemy”. I have always wanted to sing and share my creative writings with other people or start a new blog. Perhaps it just was not the time for me, until now.

Continue reading “Creative Writings”