I really liked this weeks prompt word. This story, a fiction also thrives from real life and the people I have known. Our poor boy is so in love with a girl, that couldn’t love herself. Such a painful lesson, to give things some time. Perhaps he shouldn’t have given up? Who knows. perhaps life would be different. You will never know.
I haven’t written about my suicide attempt that much or discussed it before to the extent that I perhaps should have. Just to say, it had nothing to do with the people around me. And everything seemed to be fine. But it had to do a lot with what I had been secretly hiding inside of myself. A ferocious beast that was gnawing on my insides, a depression that I could no longer run from. This post is going to be about my overdose and is quite graphic. I don’t want to trigger anyone… So please read it if you are mentally strong enough.
Am truly lucky to have survived and I have my loved ones to thank for that.
This story differs from the last one- which was rather a poetic piece. This story has nothing to do with fiction. Romantism?! maybe, but this is the raw cold truth about school bullying. The effect it had on at least… me. Was I a weirdo?! Yes I was. Did I deserve it?! I don’t think so. No one does.
This six-sentence story was born from the challenge produced by GirlieOnTheEdge with the following simple rules:
Write 6 Sentences. No more. No less.
Use the current week’s prompt word – FLUID
How was this Story Born?
I wanted to try out some kinky challenges. Was hoping to keep myself writing at least once a week besides the job that robbed me of my time… The muse of the girl in this story is me, the young girl in me. As always, as a writer… I have added a little over-romanticism and a sprinkle of fiction. For a fact… Such an encounter never happened.
There is a funny story with this particular romantic poem of mine. It goes as: Once upon a summery night. With equal parts of wine and music. I went out with a friend of mine… We drove the roads in Hiiumaa. Well, damn it. Yes, it is a lie… Already! We had a sober driver!!! He was the one doing the operating of moving machinery. There were three or four bottles of dry red wine.
Elixir of life and good decisions if you ask me. Anyway… My friend invited a beautiful girl to hang out with us. I had never seen her before but as she sat down on the asphalt to roll herself a cigarette… her long blonde hair covering her face with the wind… Can you see where I am going with this?
Does this (Imagine a down arrow here) qualify as a poem too?! Oh, there are two… wow. You are lucky!
I could dedicate a whole book to all the things that my anxiety disorder and the aftermath of a panic attack have taken from me. But the subject of what has it given me, other than being a wallflower, is a hard one. I have always tried to look for the good in the bad. Maybe it is a way of survival or just plain denial that something is wrong. Not necessarily saying that it is a good thing after all the suffering it causes. Or that the anxiety symptoms are easy to deal with.
But I wonder, is there something it has given me, other than the endless doubt and shaking from the fear. Is there something that I have learned from it? Have I grown stronger, or have I become weaker? From denying myself many things I wanted to do in life.
Maybe it is the time to self-reflect and perhaps in the process of writing this post. I, myself, too. Will have more insights into the cause and the effect it has had on my life. And perhaps, someone will feel consolation in the knowledge that they are not alone.
But First, a Song to go with the post
If I had to pick a song to introduce my whole being in someone else’s words. It would be Jinjer – Wallflower. I think the whole video and the song are something I strongly feel connected to.
It is a feeling I have felt since I was a little girl.
Hello, My name is Reelika. And I am… hopefully?!?! A young (hehe) aspiring writer from Estonia and I have been a big lover of books and music ever since I was a small cub… Hatching myself onto the hem of my mothers’ dress. Half of my life I had headphones soldered to my skull. So this. Here. Is my new blog (distant lonely applaud can be heard), It is my new beginning. And how the heck, am I self-hosted?! Wow, I still am trembling from the anticipation of writing about poetry and music. Truly. My fingers itch… Previously I was writing poetry on Blogspot and Tumblr… Occasionally… I was writing stories too, short ones but still…
Oh well, that was as a young rebellious lady in her teens. I am like, going to be 31 this year… so that was a long-long time ago. There were a few Tumblr accounts in between but they never really got as much attention as my first one. And I liked it that way.
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