This one was written for the dVerse Prosery prompt. The Line we had to use was: " . . . and the iridescent image swims through a mirror that flows.” by Stanley Kunitz (The Atlantic, 1970) and I used the whole 144 words limit.
All the other entries can be accessed through the link-up.
Through the Water
You told him that I was too loud, that you needed time off, that you felt overwhelmed. I felt the frustration as you held me close, crying because I didn't yet have the words to say: "Mummy, my stomach hurts."
Rocking me back and forth, your own tears glimmering in the light, you were repeating, "Please stop crying," and then you filled the bath—like you always do when Mummy needs to relax.
I tasted the rosemary-scented oil as you pushed me under, smiling as the room got quiet.
But it's okay. Mummy is right here beside me; the embrace of the water feels warm, the lights keep flickering, Mummy's tears have dried, and the iridescent image swims through a mirror that flows…
as a strand of hair falls on her face while she gazes into it.
"Mummy, what, or who, do you see?"
There's more of my work:
All of the six-sentence stories.
The Nervous Poet Entries for the SSC&B.
There is also a page for all of the poetry.
More personal entries can be found at the Blog.
The IT studies blog in Estonian for a course at the university.
the Band "Chaos in Spring" is on YouTube, Spotify and other streaming services.
Ooh, intriguing and a little disturbing!
Thank you.
It felt quite disturbing to write this and hard to hold back my own emotion, so am surprised how it turned out myself… Am very happy for your comment!
A disturbing Prosery piece, well written, Reelika, through the eyes of the child, in a way that we understand the mother. I like how you echoed the prompt line in the mother’s ‘tears glimmering in the light’.
Thank you so much for the kind comment. Am glad you noticed the way I tried to tie the prompt line into a previous sentence… I was struggling way too long with it…
An interesting take on the prompt. Not sure what the ending of this will be… but you keep us guessing! Well done.
Thank you! I also don’t know what the answer would be… That’s why I left it open… Seems it works here.
Very disturbing. I think
The prompt line well fitted
Much love
Thank you for the comment even though the story itself is very disturbing. Much appreciated! Take care!
You bring back memories of old Reelika, when loving hands bathed us.
Hank
Hopefully we all had loving hands bathing us… Thank you for commenting.
Woah! That was dark! Brilliantly written, Reelika, and a seamless inclusion of the prompt line.
Thank you very much for the comment and the compliment.
Ominous, from beginning to end, Reelika. I loved your use of the Kunitz line, and its implications. Whose is the image that she sees, which one dominates, her child or her self, in this life-changing (or life-ending) moment? Brilliant storytelling!
Thank you so much for the comment. Am happy you found it intriguing even if it’s ominous, and I found myself wondering the same thing…
Ouch!
Thank you for the comment. It is Ouch, it was ouch to write it but even more ouch is the fact these things actually happen…
Mummy is batsh*t crazy. The most painful/haunting part of your story is how understanding the small child is. Brave writing, Reelika.
Thank you so much for the comment.
Dark, yet open ended, I like how you leave the tension hanging, the reader must work. Beautifully structured and flows smoothly. Love it.
Thank you so much for your kind words. It took me at least five different endings to get here, and the impact I wanted it to have… am glad you enjoyed the piece regardless of it’s grimness.
Reelika, I rather love the question you’ve left us with; asking not what happened, but how did this child formulate meaning from what happened? Those are two very different inquiries, and you’ve put your finger squarely on the second with this write. (that’s the social anthropologist in me admiring your work).
Oh my god am I happy you liked it… I thought to go study anthropology at one time in my life but I also think that my current choice balances my life in a different way..
But social antrophology and humans and psychology and all that is just fascinating as heck… Much more difficult to disect than a machine.
I did try to think exactly that… what does the child see…
Thank you so much!