A reflection on love, beauty, and quiet desperation — part of my poetry collection, Margins of the First Draft. Emotional writing inspired by the haunted dreams of a young woman in love. I wonder where this plot even came from now that I read these again back then I thought I was a maestro of words but actually it's kinda confusing at times. That's what reading 19th century poets does to you I guess.
8. Dearest mother, I am going to see him
Dearest mother,
Today I did my face,
Subtly and garishly
My cheeks the colour of peonies
And my face pale from fear
My eyes swollen from the arsenic
I haven’t slept in days
Poetry on the Margins #8 A Pretty Kind of Grief
What is it about over-romanticizing sleep deprivation and lunacy?
Or the Victorians using questionable chemicals on their faces or in beauty creams?
Or the wallpaper, kids' toys, baby bottles?
Is it a tragedy?
A quiet desperation of a woman in love?
Or just a delicate poem —
just for the sake of being,
delicate?
Why do I picture a young woman with long blonde hair and deathly pale skin,
with her sunken, red, swollen eyes,
marching around her room with an open wine bottle,
looking through all of her dresses to find one that would fit?
But none are good enough,
so they end up on the floor,
and she keeps rummaging through her closet
in a lunatic manner, with tears streaming down her eyes —
because she never feels good about herself, or pretty,
and she just thinks that a perfect dress
would make her feel good.
But all she ever dreamed of was a pair of arms to hold her tight,
a voice to call her pretty — not just any arms, or any voice,
but his.
And with her hands trembling,
she adds a bit of blush to her face
and adds a few drops of belladonna to her eyes to enchant a man —
though, she probably would not have needed it anyway.
For every time she saw him,
her eyes lit up anyway.
Was it hysteria, or mania, that made her unable to sleep?
I guess we will never know.
Perhaps I could invite you to read more of my work:
If you like short stories I have them scooped up into one category (including the six-sentence stories).
Or perhaps I could interest you in poetry and refections or something more personal like the Blog.
I also happen to own an IT studies blog in Estonian and "Chaos in Spring" can be listened to on YouTube, Spotify and other streaming services.
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